Just under a month ago I signed up for online dating. At first, I found it lots of fun. Lots of guys were adding me to their favourites, I was getting emails, it was all good. I even took the plunge and met up with someone. After making it through the first date I was all go to meet up with more people. And then, as quickly as the emails and favourites came flooding in, they disappeared.
It's been over a week and nothing. Nada. It was a little depressing at first, I find rejection difficult enough to deal with without it coming from someone I haven't even met. Vi said that online dating can be streaky and I would agree with that. So I'm not too bothered about the quiet spell.
Except that the more I think about it, the more I want to throw in the cyber towel. I still don't like the idea of it. I'd much rather meet someone by chance then meet them because they saw my profile. 'But', I hear you exclaim, 'so would most people'! So true. But I don't think I've given leaving things to fate or whatever you want to call it enough of a chance. I'm getting more of a social life in London, the more of a social life the more people you meet.
I'll keep my profile until May because that's when my 'membership' expires. After that I won't be renewing it. I'm glad I tried it, and it's nice knowing that it's there. But for now, I'll try meeting guys the old-fashioned way.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Please keep the P out of the dating ool
I stumbled across this gem through one of our followers. Finally, a man's advice to online dating profiles. I think we can all learn a thing or two from this one, whether we're online or not.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
We are so NOT a couple!
Seriously, the cute neighbor and I are NOT a couple.
Even if we spent our Saturday grocery shopping for a picnic and hiking. Lots of friends do that.
Even if we came home from our hike and walked to Rita's to get free Italian ice on the first day of spring. I mean, we wouldn't have even known there was free Rita's if my mom hadn't called to remind me. I think my mom is this close to having a problem when it comes to Italian ice. And yes, we did discuss mini-break options, but that certainly doesn't make us a couple.
Even if we came home from Rita's and cooked dinner together, we are still NOT a couple. Lots of people cook dinner together. And just because we made a hand-made thank you card for the out-of-town friend we stayed with last weekend and signed it: Love, Violet and the cute neighbor, with a cute stick figure drawing of us sharing their futon. And just because he gave me a foot rub while I fell asleep on his couch does not make us a couple.
Now that I read this back to myself, it sounds like a smug married Saturday if ever there was one, doesn't it? BUT if I point out that I was late for grocery shopping and hiking because I had spent Friday night with the Dark Horse, and that one of the main topics of conversation with the Cute Neighbor is about all the sex he's had over the years, then it's clear that we're not a couple. Because if we were, or even if he were an imaginary boyfriend, I really, really, REALLY wouldn't want to hear all the details about past lovers.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get some sleep, since the cute neighbor is making blueberry pancakes in the morning. On a Monday! What a nice way to start off the week.
Even if we spent our Saturday grocery shopping for a picnic and hiking. Lots of friends do that.
Even if we came home from our hike and walked to Rita's to get free Italian ice on the first day of spring. I mean, we wouldn't have even known there was free Rita's if my mom hadn't called to remind me. I think my mom is this close to having a problem when it comes to Italian ice. And yes, we did discuss mini-break options, but that certainly doesn't make us a couple.
Even if we came home from Rita's and cooked dinner together, we are still NOT a couple. Lots of people cook dinner together. And just because we made a hand-made thank you card for the out-of-town friend we stayed with last weekend and signed it: Love, Violet and the cute neighbor, with a cute stick figure drawing of us sharing their futon. And just because he gave me a foot rub while I fell asleep on his couch does not make us a couple.
Now that I read this back to myself, it sounds like a smug married Saturday if ever there was one, doesn't it? BUT if I point out that I was late for grocery shopping and hiking because I had spent Friday night with the Dark Horse, and that one of the main topics of conversation with the Cute Neighbor is about all the sex he's had over the years, then it's clear that we're not a couple. Because if we were, or even if he were an imaginary boyfriend, I really, really, REALLY wouldn't want to hear all the details about past lovers.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get some sleep, since the cute neighbor is making blueberry pancakes in the morning. On a Monday! What a nice way to start off the week.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
First Date Done!
Apologies WWBD? I have neglected you so. However, I have set aside some time to pay you the attention you so rightly deserve!
Friday night, for once, was date night. I took the plunge and met up with someone I met online. We had been emailing for awhile and his emails were friendly and funny so I decided that what was the point in joining a dating site if I wasn't going to be brave and meet someone.
We arranged to meet at a particular underground station. There was a bit of confusion on my part because this particular underground station has about 6 different exits, but I managed in the end!
Harry Potter (he works in films and has worked on the Harry Potter movies) and I went for a very nice dinner. Conversation started a bit stilted but luckily I love movies so we found plenty to talk about. I felt relaxed and comfortable around him and I was having a good time. After dinner we headed to another place for a drink and then to the underground station where he said he would like to see me again and then we headed our separate ways. I've had a few friendly texts from him since then.
Conclusion? I had a good time and I'm glad I went. He's a nice guy and we got on well. I don't want to make any final decisions based on a first date but in terms of romance? I didn't really get any of those type vibes. However, as Vi said, she felt the same way about John Boy...so if he asks me out again I'll say yes. I'm just glad I got the first date out of the way!
Friday night, for once, was date night. I took the plunge and met up with someone I met online. We had been emailing for awhile and his emails were friendly and funny so I decided that what was the point in joining a dating site if I wasn't going to be brave and meet someone.
We arranged to meet at a particular underground station. There was a bit of confusion on my part because this particular underground station has about 6 different exits, but I managed in the end!
Harry Potter (he works in films and has worked on the Harry Potter movies) and I went for a very nice dinner. Conversation started a bit stilted but luckily I love movies so we found plenty to talk about. I felt relaxed and comfortable around him and I was having a good time. After dinner we headed to another place for a drink and then to the underground station where he said he would like to see me again and then we headed our separate ways. I've had a few friendly texts from him since then.
Conclusion? I had a good time and I'm glad I went. He's a nice guy and we got on well. I don't want to make any final decisions based on a first date but in terms of romance? I didn't really get any of those type vibes. However, as Vi said, she felt the same way about John Boy...so if he asks me out again I'll say yes. I'm just glad I got the first date out of the way!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
The Replacement Boyfriend
I've found myself a replacement boyfriend.
I've waited for him to come home from work so we can go out to dinner. We eat actual, home cooked meals together while discussing our day. I don't even knock upon entering his apartment. I know what he looks like in his underwear.
No, he's not imaginary. As it clearly states in the WWBD? dating dictionary, an imaginary boyfriend (n.) is a Boy who hangs out with you a lot, enjoys your company and making out with you, but will not commit to the title of Boyfriend. Takes on many 'boyfriend-like' responsibilities, calls you frequently, yet disappoints you often. Not to be confused with "Friends with Benefits."
There is a difference between a replacement boyfriend and an imaginary boyfriend. A replacement boyfriend is a boy you hang out with very often, almost to excess, on a strictly platonic basis, and takes the place of actually having to find someone with which to have an actual relationship.
This is what has happened to the cute neighbor and me. I've come to realize I've been spending more time with him than I would an actual boyfriend. Yes, he does fit some of the definition of an IB: He hangs out with me a lot, enjoys my company, and calls frequently. (In fact, he called me today to ask if I would pick him up after he was hit by a car while riding his bike. He's fine. His bike is not.) But I have never once made out with him, and he won't commit to the title of Boyfriend because we're not even remotely dating. (Although when I caught a ride with him and his parents to his birthday dinner- which other friends were attending- it felt an awful lot like being 14 years old and going on a date, with his parents in the front and us in the back. Not that I ever went out on a date at the age of 14.) In fact, I had never even considered the possibility of dating him. Until this weekend.
A BFF of mine just moved back to the country after several years of living in The Most God-forsaken Place on Earth. (Despite being in The Most God-forsaken Place on Earth, she still managed to come home with a fiance. Seriously.) I decided to take a weekend road trip to visit her and the new fiance over the weekend, and asked the cute neighbor if he wanted to join me. It's always good to have someone along for a road trip to navigate and pay for gas. It was a fun drive. We played Mad Libs. Sang along out of tune to 80s music. He picked the cashews out of the nut mix so I wouldn't have to eat them.
While we've always had a flirty friendship, we've never really given off a couple-y vibe. At some point in the span of Friday and Saturday, that seemed to change. My theory was confirmed when my friend, also named Violet, cornered me while the cute neighbor was at the bar buying the next round to ask me why on earth we weren't a couple. My initial reason for not wanting to date him is that I knew too much about him. He's been around the block a few times. And then a few times more. But when The Other Violet was pointing out that we act like a couple, argue like a couple, and have undeniable chemistry, I was having a hard time defending my initial reason.
Now I'm just confused. Is it just because spring is upon us and I need a man? But then again, he was more than willing to don tight pants and a billowy white shirt to show up at a party as an ice dancer, and how many men are willing to do that? I love cheesy shit like that! While we did share a futon over the weekend, nothing happened, but I don't know how much of that was my previous attitude- in that I actually told him nothing would ever happen between us- or his not being interested. I'm so confused.
Help.
I've waited for him to come home from work so we can go out to dinner. We eat actual, home cooked meals together while discussing our day. I don't even knock upon entering his apartment. I know what he looks like in his underwear.
No, he's not imaginary. As it clearly states in the WWBD? dating dictionary, an imaginary boyfriend (n.) is a Boy who hangs out with you a lot, enjoys your company and making out with you, but will not commit to the title of Boyfriend. Takes on many 'boyfriend-like' responsibilities, calls you frequently, yet disappoints you often. Not to be confused with "Friends with Benefits."
There is a difference between a replacement boyfriend and an imaginary boyfriend. A replacement boyfriend is a boy you hang out with very often, almost to excess, on a strictly platonic basis, and takes the place of actually having to find someone with which to have an actual relationship.
This is what has happened to the cute neighbor and me. I've come to realize I've been spending more time with him than I would an actual boyfriend. Yes, he does fit some of the definition of an IB: He hangs out with me a lot, enjoys my company, and calls frequently. (In fact, he called me today to ask if I would pick him up after he was hit by a car while riding his bike. He's fine. His bike is not.) But I have never once made out with him, and he won't commit to the title of Boyfriend because we're not even remotely dating. (Although when I caught a ride with him and his parents to his birthday dinner- which other friends were attending- it felt an awful lot like being 14 years old and going on a date, with his parents in the front and us in the back. Not that I ever went out on a date at the age of 14.) In fact, I had never even considered the possibility of dating him. Until this weekend.
A BFF of mine just moved back to the country after several years of living in The Most God-forsaken Place on Earth. (Despite being in The Most God-forsaken Place on Earth, she still managed to come home with a fiance. Seriously.) I decided to take a weekend road trip to visit her and the new fiance over the weekend, and asked the cute neighbor if he wanted to join me. It's always good to have someone along for a road trip to navigate and pay for gas. It was a fun drive. We played Mad Libs. Sang along out of tune to 80s music. He picked the cashews out of the nut mix so I wouldn't have to eat them.
While we've always had a flirty friendship, we've never really given off a couple-y vibe. At some point in the span of Friday and Saturday, that seemed to change. My theory was confirmed when my friend, also named Violet, cornered me while the cute neighbor was at the bar buying the next round to ask me why on earth we weren't a couple. My initial reason for not wanting to date him is that I knew too much about him. He's been around the block a few times. And then a few times more. But when The Other Violet was pointing out that we act like a couple, argue like a couple, and have undeniable chemistry, I was having a hard time defending my initial reason.
Now I'm just confused. Is it just because spring is upon us and I need a man? But then again, he was more than willing to don tight pants and a billowy white shirt to show up at a party as an ice dancer, and how many men are willing to do that? I love cheesy shit like that! While we did share a futon over the weekend, nothing happened, but I don't know how much of that was my previous attitude- in that I actually told him nothing would ever happen between us- or his not being interested. I'm so confused.
Help.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Cheese and Wine
Oh WWBD? it's been too long. Things have actually been happening to me, not romantically happening, but ya know... happening. Gotta to start somewhere:
Today was the beginning of my third week at the new job. Things have been going well except for the fact that 1) I have had to come to terms with officially being an adult and 2) it's not just that everyone is in a relationship (like it was in grad school), now it's that everyone is married. Since I was drawn to the one single person in my department at my old job (Conrad), I'm just waiting for the inexplicable magnetic pull of the one single male at my new job. This company employs 21,000 people, surely there are a few single males in there...right??
Today is my second day in my new apartment in the city. I'm feeling somewhat of a crazy catlady. The only furniture I have so far is my bed, my roommates won't move in for another two weeks, and other than the occasional phone call from Violet or the parentals, the only conversation I've held are those with my cat. To add to the crazy, while trying to scrounge something for dinner (I haven't yet found the nearest grocery store that isn't too expensive/Whole Foods) I realized I have hardly anything in my fridge, yet I do have six types of cheese. Six! Surely this is not my best moment, but given that I've been eating dinner on the floor, using a box as a table, I assume this can be forgiven.
Today is the fourth day since I've seen Conrad. We hung out on Friday for the final time before I moved. It's a weird feeling closing the door on someone you may never see again. Then again, he might be helping me finish move this weekend. I've only moved an hour away, but that hour may be more than our weird relationship can handle. On Saturday night I decided to kill a bottle of wine while packing. I had to drink the wine, as surely I was not going to transport it across state lines, however, this was not my best plan. For starters, getting drunk while texting Conrad about my insecurities about the future of friendship was one thing, getting drunk while packing glassware was another. He assured me we'll see each other again, he promises he'll come down to visit and tells me I need to trust him. The mugs of wine (I packed my wine glasses) were downed at an amazing rate as these comments hit home. Conrad was shockingly reminding me of my ex-imaginary boyfriend (the one that moved and completely cut me off/broke my heart). I swear they used the same lines. I've been disappointed before and refuse to get my hopes up. I know how things go, I'm a realist, and I know one thing: If a guy really wants to see you, he'll see you. HJNTIY taught me that. If he doesn't care to see me much when I'm 15 minutes away, why would he when I'm an hour away? Saying goodbye to him wasn't sad because I'll miss my strange unhealthy imaginary relationship (Ok, I will miss the action). No. It was sad because really, Conrad has been my closest/geographically desirable friend the past couple months. I'll miss our friendship more than anything, as was the case with the ex-IB. Also, I have an awful record of remaining friends with guys I've had relations with (why is that?). I'm hoping this one will be different.
I'm sure he'll never come to visit, but I just keep thinking of all the things we can do in the city together (hello, science museum!!) I can't help but hope. I also can't help but hope I'll meet someone new soon so as to not even remember Conrad's name. Until then, I'll be sitting on my bed with a cat in my lap, nibbling on cheese and figuring out what craft I can make with broken wineglasses. City life is so classy.
Today was the beginning of my third week at the new job. Things have been going well except for the fact that 1) I have had to come to terms with officially being an adult and 2) it's not just that everyone is in a relationship (like it was in grad school), now it's that everyone is married. Since I was drawn to the one single person in my department at my old job (Conrad), I'm just waiting for the inexplicable magnetic pull of the one single male at my new job. This company employs 21,000 people, surely there are a few single males in there...right??
Today is my second day in my new apartment in the city. I'm feeling somewhat of a crazy catlady. The only furniture I have so far is my bed, my roommates won't move in for another two weeks, and other than the occasional phone call from Violet or the parentals, the only conversation I've held are those with my cat. To add to the crazy, while trying to scrounge something for dinner (I haven't yet found the nearest grocery store that isn't too expensive/Whole Foods) I realized I have hardly anything in my fridge, yet I do have six types of cheese. Six! Surely this is not my best moment, but given that I've been eating dinner on the floor, using a box as a table, I assume this can be forgiven.
Today is the fourth day since I've seen Conrad. We hung out on Friday for the final time before I moved. It's a weird feeling closing the door on someone you may never see again. Then again, he might be helping me finish move this weekend. I've only moved an hour away, but that hour may be more than our weird relationship can handle. On Saturday night I decided to kill a bottle of wine while packing. I had to drink the wine, as surely I was not going to transport it across state lines, however, this was not my best plan. For starters, getting drunk while texting Conrad about my insecurities about the future of friendship was one thing, getting drunk while packing glassware was another. He assured me we'll see each other again, he promises he'll come down to visit and tells me I need to trust him. The mugs of wine (I packed my wine glasses) were downed at an amazing rate as these comments hit home. Conrad was shockingly reminding me of my ex-imaginary boyfriend (the one that moved and completely cut me off/broke my heart). I swear they used the same lines. I've been disappointed before and refuse to get my hopes up. I know how things go, I'm a realist, and I know one thing: If a guy really wants to see you, he'll see you. HJNTIY taught me that. If he doesn't care to see me much when I'm 15 minutes away, why would he when I'm an hour away? Saying goodbye to him wasn't sad because I'll miss my strange unhealthy imaginary relationship (Ok, I will miss the action). No. It was sad because really, Conrad has been my closest/geographically desirable friend the past couple months. I'll miss our friendship more than anything, as was the case with the ex-IB. Also, I have an awful record of remaining friends with guys I've had relations with (why is that?). I'm hoping this one will be different.
I'm sure he'll never come to visit, but I just keep thinking of all the things we can do in the city together (hello, science museum!!) I can't help but hope. I also can't help but hope I'll meet someone new soon so as to not even remember Conrad's name. Until then, I'll be sitting on my bed with a cat in my lap, nibbling on cheese and figuring out what craft I can make with broken wineglasses. City life is so classy.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Random Thoughts on Nothingness
We've been pretty quiet this month. I can't speak for all of us (although I probably can, I'm the only one who actually knows everyone), but I've got absolutely nothing going on. Grayer is in the process of moving to a new city, Fenella just started online dating, and I don't even have a reliable booty call, seeing as he's never available. In fact, when Fenella comes to visit me in 3 weeks (eeek! Just 3 weeks!) she is going to help me find a new booty call. It is henceforth being called Operation: Papa Smurf. (Don't ask us why. We don't really know.) Although a few weeks ago, a couple of guys taught me how to play backgammon at a bar (no idea how that happened either), but that never amounted to anything. I mean, assuming they were both single (which I don't actually know), there were two of them and one of me. Apparently they didn't rock-paper-scissors for me while I was in the ladies'. So yeah. Nothing.
Yes, I know the Italian Dreamboat handed me his number, but I dealt with that the same way I deal with all awkward situations: I avoided it. I didn't call him, and I never gave him any explanation. Do I really need to? I never asked for his number. He can't understand anything I say anyway.
And speaking of reasons why I'm still single, the cute neighbor gave me something to think about last week. Over dinner, (which we've started doing with alarming frequency. I see him more now than I would an actual boyfriend, we're even road tripping this weekend), we were discussing, or maybe I was complaining about, men I've dated in the past. To which the cute neighbor said, "Since I've known you, I've heard about what you don't want in a man. What is it that you want?"
I seriously could not think of a decent answer. After "funny" I just kind of blanked. I mean, obviously I have preferences, like well-educated and good hygiene, but while I've written lists of dealbreakers, I've never written down dealmakers. I just always figured I would know it when I saw it. Right?
So far, that's all I've got: Funny, well-educated and good hygiene. Oh, and someone who can deal with the car. And money. I'm as much a feminist as the next woman, but having to deal with the car and do my own taxes are two of the worst things about being a grown-up.
Despite my romantic hibernation and cluelessness about what it actually is I'm looking for, I'm optimistic about finding something soon. Spring is here, and that means people will be out more. I think it's safe to declare St. Patrick's Day as the official start to the Spring Dating Season. I'll be playing softball again, which always helps the meeting process, and I have no doubt that Operation: Papa Smurf will be a success.
Yes, I know the Italian Dreamboat handed me his number, but I dealt with that the same way I deal with all awkward situations: I avoided it. I didn't call him, and I never gave him any explanation. Do I really need to? I never asked for his number. He can't understand anything I say anyway.
And speaking of reasons why I'm still single, the cute neighbor gave me something to think about last week. Over dinner, (which we've started doing with alarming frequency. I see him more now than I would an actual boyfriend, we're even road tripping this weekend), we were discussing, or maybe I was complaining about, men I've dated in the past. To which the cute neighbor said, "Since I've known you, I've heard about what you don't want in a man. What is it that you want?"
I seriously could not think of a decent answer. After "funny" I just kind of blanked. I mean, obviously I have preferences, like well-educated and good hygiene, but while I've written lists of dealbreakers, I've never written down dealmakers. I just always figured I would know it when I saw it. Right?
So far, that's all I've got: Funny, well-educated and good hygiene. Oh, and someone who can deal with the car. And money. I'm as much a feminist as the next woman, but having to deal with the car and do my own taxes are two of the worst things about being a grown-up.
Despite my romantic hibernation and cluelessness about what it actually is I'm looking for, I'm optimistic about finding something soon. Spring is here, and that means people will be out more. I think it's safe to declare St. Patrick's Day as the official start to the Spring Dating Season. I'll be playing softball again, which always helps the meeting process, and I have no doubt that Operation: Papa Smurf will be a success.
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