Help! I need somebody

I've had a weird day.  A very weird day.

It has finally happened.  I've finally seen someone I know on OkCupid.  A guy I know from my volleyball meetup group (which has hundreds of people in it, he's an organizer), sent me a message this morning.  He didn't realize who I was.  And while the message was very clever and I would probably have responded, I can't, because I want to play volleyball again someday without it being wicked awkward.  I'm slightly mortified by this experience.  Also, I must really look like hell when playing beach volleyball.

I was out to lunch for a coworker's last day, when my innocent Chinese colleague (who this past weekend I took to a bar for his first time ever and got him drunk off a half a beer) asked what it felt like to get high.  My boss replied, "I wouldn't know, I've never done marijuana."  So my colleague just kept asking me what it feels like.  Note: You don't ask someone about illegal drug use while in front of your boss!  Isn't that written in the employee manual or something?  After the longest 30 seconds of my life, I just shrugged and said "Google it."

Here's the kicker.  After returning from lunch, I get on Facebook to find a random ass message from Jonny Fucking Damon.  It's been a long time since his last Facebook message, but oh, how I remember it.  This time around he said, "Hey. Random, I know, but you just popped up in my head. How are you? Have a good summer?"  Which leads me to ask aloud, What the Fuck?  What the hell does he want?  Why is he doing this?  Why did he put a "." after Hey when it clearly should have been a "!" or ","

But seriously, WHY DO THEY DO THIS?!  Pop up out of no where, wondering how you've been!  Mind your business, assholes!  I was doing quite well without you wondering how I was, thank you.  Now I'm going to think about you the rest of the afternoon while trying to resist answering your message.  Damn my curiosity. I need to know what you want.  Must...Answer...  I waited three whole hours before responding with a brief "I'm doing well, sad summer's over, did you get a teaching job?" type message.  But I just kept thinking, what the fuck does Jonny fucking Damon want?  Why now? Ugh.

He responded shortly there after, giving me a life update with questions about myself thrown in, and ended with this,  "Mr. D-bag (me) still has your movie, what would you say to a drink, so I can deliver it to you finally?"   What the hell are you up to, Jonny fucking Damon?!  Yes, you still have my fucking movie.  You said you'd get it back to me 20 times since I left it at your house.  But why do you suddenly have a guilty conscience about it 8 months later?  What are you after?!

Would someone please tell me how to respond?  Seriously, tell me what to do.  I'm curious as to what the hell he wants but I don't know if seeing him would be a good thing.  I also don't think it will actually happen as he promised to get it to me so many times before.  I would like it back, not because I can't find it for 10 bucks at Wal-mart, but it's the principle that matters now.  What would he do if there wasn't a movie involved? Would he still be asking me for drinks?  I'm so curious!  Any advice will help.  Pleeeeease!