Playlist: Let's Get It On

There is a Glee marathon on tv today, which means I could spend the entire day never leaving the house, but I have a Superbowl party to bake/clean for, so that won't be happening. It did give me the opportunity though to see The Power of Madonna episode, and I was so inspired by the Like a Virgin number that I suggested to the cute neighbor that we incorporate musical numbers into foreplay more often. Not sure why I use the phrase "more often" there, as we have never incorporated a choreographed musical number into foreplay. But we should. The response he gave me was that of utter bafflement, since he was unaware that I was watching a glee marathon. Plus, he is tone deaf and dances like Finn on a really good day.

Anyway, this got me thinking of the need for a "Let's Get it On" playlist. A little mood music to get the libido flowing. And possibly add a little choreography to spice it up.

Let's Get it On- Marvin Gaye
Naughty Girl- Beyonce
Wicked Game- Chris Isaak
Bad Things- Jace Everett
Leisure Suite- Feist
Fuck Me Pumps- Amy Winehouse
Again & Again- The Bird and the Bee
The Mating Game- Bitter:Sweet
Touch a Touch a Touch a Touch Me- Glee/Rocky Horror Picture Show

What have I forgotten?

The one with Lisa's thunder

I just visited my good friend and former roommate/colleague, 8-year-Lisa, this past weekend.  Like we do every time we see each other anymore, we A) get drunk and bake irrationally and 2) discuss her Loser of a boyfriend and their seemingly dead-end relationship. I've written about them a couple times over the past couple of years.  They've now been together for 9 years, living together for 6 months and my opinion of them hasn't changed.  They love each other, they don't like each other.

I finally voiced some concerns about them this weekend. (For example, when I ask what the two of them like to do for fun together, she literally had no answer.  That's what I call a concern).   While she considered each one of them, she did not falter in her "In it to win it" mentality.  That girl wants a ring.  For as long as I've known her she's wanted a ring.  However, in the past 3 years she's gone from making up excuses for him not proposing, to trying to be a strong feminist who doesn't need a wedding to prove her self worth.   When she said this I reminded her of a certain Valentine's Day when she pretended she did not care about Valentine's Day and I ended up having to cheer her up after she did not get anything for Valentine's day.  Pretending to not need a marriage would have the same crushing disappointment.  Yes, she wants to get married.  Yes, she wants him to stand up and say "I want to be with you for the rest of my life."   When she finally admitted that, we came to the conclusion that it was time to have yet another talk about their future.  So when I left on Sunday morning, she planned to bring it up soon.

I got a call from her last night.  Here's basically how the first 5 minutes of the conversation went:
8yL: Grayer!  This is the call!  I'm engaged!!! (In a very shrill voice).
G:  No you're not.
This goes back and forth several times.
G: So what are you actually calling me for anyways? (Not to be a bitch, but it was my bedtime).
8yL: I'm En-Gaaaaaged!
And then I believe her (In my defense, her family didn't believe her either).  Here's how shit went down.  Lisa brought up their future and the prospect of marriage.  The Loser said he had been thinking about it.  Discussion continued and climaxed when he said something to the degree of, "So, ya wanna?"  She told him he wasn't doing it right, but by the end of it they were agreed upon one thing, they were engaged.  No ring.  No romance.  No proposal, just a rational discussion.  It's like a fairy tale, isn't it?

I don't mean to be a bad friend.  I'm happy for her, in a if you're happy, I'm happy, sort of way.  When he does get around to getting her a ring, I highly suggested they go pick it out together.  It will be something fun they can do together, and more importantly, he's notorious for buying her hideous jewelry. 

But enough about her, let's focus on what this means for me.  Aside from speculating if I'll be part of the wedding party, or if I will get to help plan a possible fall New England wedding (I have great non-career related aspirations to be a wedding planner), I'm having some weird thoughts.  This is my first close friend to get engaged, and although I'm happy for her and truly do not envy her for it (who would really?) I'm being weird about it.  It's as if Monica and Chandler just got engaged and my first thought is to sleep with Ross.  Seriously.  I had a dream about my ex-boyfriend last night (I haven't talked to him in over a year but today I realized is his birthday, weird!).  I kept thinking about Jonny Fucking Damon all day.  I've been really tempted to text Conrad all night (luckily I forgot my phone at work) and I was just Facebook stalking my ex-Imaginary Boyfriend and his seemingly perfect/skinny/pretty girlfriend.  Ugh.  What is wrong with me?!

Do you remember the 90s?

Plea for your creative suggestions please!

I'm going to a fancy dress party this weekend, the theme is: The 90s. I thought it would be easy to think of something because I remember the 90s, however, it's proving a little difficult. I'm not a huge fan of fancy dress because you end up spending money on things that you won't wear again, and that annoys me.

I did get a brainwave when watching an episode of Glee: the schoolgirl costume from Britney Spears 'Baby One More Time' video. I have a white shirt and I'd wear a black skirt and grey cardigan again. But I fear it may be a bit too slutty. And cold.

So ladies, please get those thinking caps on and creative juices flowing!

Breakin' up is hard enough

I read/heard/made up the fact that January is the most common month for breakups. If you think about it, it makes sense. People wait until after the holidays but well before Febuary 14th. It's also the time of year that one starts thinking about their life and the changes they need to make. In honor of the suckiness that is January, I've compiled the best ways to break it off. And by best, I do mean worst.

• The Voicemail. Ballsy enough to call, douchey enough to leave it in a message. Pro: Can pretend you never got it "Ugh, I swear this stupid phone eats my voicemails!" Con: You can replay, forward, and store it for 30 days while you wallow in a tub of ice cream.
• The Post-it note, a la Berger to Carrie Bradshaw. Pro: Short, sweet, and stickie. You can put it anywhere! Con: It's a fucking post-it note.
• The Facebook message. Facebook: the true homewrecker. Pro: Immature actions validate immature reactions.  Respond by writing on his wall: "By the way, your micropenis and mediocrity were NOT worth the herpes. Thanks a lot asshole." Even when he deletes it, rest assured at least 1-100 people saw it. Con: It's a fucking Facebook message that you'll be reminded of every time you get on Facebook.
• The text. For those with the maturity of a 13-year-old. Pro: Can have a real time conversation about it (via text), assuming he doesn't purposely send it during a time when he knows you can't answer, which let's face it, he will.  Con: You have to have a conversation via text (Not all of us have fancy phones/know how to use T9 Word/have normal size thumbs, ok?).  You can save it in your phone forever.
  
• The Disappearance. If you haven't heard from your boyfriend for a week (and he's not in the military/CIA), it's over. Pro: You never have to see his face again. Con: You'll never have closure. Ever.  Partly because you're worried he might be dead. 
  
• The Key Return. You come home to find the spare key you gave him on your coffee table and his toothbrush is missing. Pro: You don't have to worry about changing your locks. Con: No closure. It will leave you in a WTF? daze for days.
• The Bed and Break-up.  Because what better time to tell a girl how you really don't like her than when she's naked and sweaty?  Pro:  He actually told you to your face.  What a grown-up.  Con: You're naked.  No one deserves to be dumped naked.   
  

SAD Dilemma

So here's the thing. I am not a fan of Valentine's Day. I think that it is over- hyped, over-commercialised and over-red. Red is not my colour. I can't even benefit from the boxes of chocolates that go on sale on February 15th because I tend to only like one or two in the box. Apparently I'm a bit of a picky eater.

I am a fan of SAD. It suites me much better.

However, for the first time, I actually have a boyfriend on this auspicious occasion. (I was with Fergus a couple of years ago but on the day itself he was in Scotland. I wasn't). So, and I'm not really ashamed to admit it because I am only human, but I'm not going to be all smug married about it, I want to acknowledge the day in some way.

Here's the dilemma. What? I refuse to go to the ridiculously over priced set menus that restaurants put on. Where they squeeze as many people in as possible and the portions are even too small for me. I don't want to give the greeting card conglomerates even more money and I certainly don't want to buy any ridiculous 'I love you presents.' So to solve the restaurant dilemma the White Horse and I will just stay in and he'll cook. He always cooks so no change there. My dilemma remains what present to get him. If I baked or was remotely artistic I could get creative. But I'm not.

So I think there remains one solution: sock bunnies!!* And maybe I could try and make a card. Or Vi could make one of my behalf? She's very creative.

I still fully agree with SAD. I still hate the commericalism of Valentine's Day.

I just really want to make a sock bunny.


* A 'Friends' reference. But we all knew that right?

Things are looking up

Yeah, I'd say we all hate January. It just NEVER ENDS. Every time I think it's over, I realize there is still ANOTHER week left in this god-forsaken month. As Grayer pointed out, February doesn't get much better, but I am here to tell you that it does. February is not nearly as bad as it seems. Take into consideration:

• It's the shortest month of the year. I mean, it's only a measly 28 days long (this year anyway). That's a full 3 days shorter than January. It may not seem significant, but it is. March will be here before you know it!
• The Superbowl. I know this doesn't apply to Fen, but the first Sunday of the month is the Holiest of all Sundays. And in every city except Green Bay (who lives there?!) and Pittsburgh, people will be more interested in socializing than in watching the game. Sports bars will be packed with disappointed Patriots/Falcons/Ravens/Bears fans just looking for a sympathetic ear. You can be that sympathetic ear.
• S.A.D. The Official Holiday of WWBD?, of course! (Don't think for a second that because two of us are "off the market" that we have gone the route of Smug Marrieds for this one!) Again, bars will be packed with people who are single and ready to mingle. Take advantage.
• Spring Training. Ok, this one doesn't necessarily apply to our less sports-inclined readers, but pitchers and catchers report Feb. 13! WAHOOO!
• The Oscars. The stars, the fashions! You can even host an Oscar party! (Formal attire required) In the meantime, you can get yourself caught up on all the Oscar nominated films. I highly recommend The King's Speech. It is simply fantastic. AND it's Colin Firth! Oh, Mr. Darcy. However, I still can't figure out Black Swan. Please explain it to me if you can.

See? The days are getting longer, and it's March already! Ah, spring...

January Blues

I very much dislike January.

It's cold. It's wet. It gets dark at around 4pm and it is the month of blah. It is also the month when all the Christmas and festive cheer disappears as quickly as it appeared and my credit card bill suddenly appears to be HUGE. Ugh.

So I have decided that I am officially suffering from the January Blues. It's a scientifically proved illness. Fact. On Tuesday I was having a Bad Day. Then it turned out that Vi was also having a Bad Day. So was Vi's roommate. Therefore, January 18th is now officially: The Bad Day. Fact.

That really is the whole point of this post. I was going to write all about bridesmaid dress shopping but I was feeling blah and couldn't be bothered. Because it's January.