Expect the Unexpected

Ever since Sunday, when I walked out of the Dark Horse's house and told him not to call me until he had things figured out, I've been very, very proud of myself for doing the right thing. It would have been so easy to say, "Casual? Sure, casual's cool." But I have made that mistake before, and it only led to heartbreak and months of my being closed off and guarded. And if we can't learn from our mistakes, what's the good in making them?

I knew there was a possibility that I would hear from the Dark Horse again someday, but I figured it would be just that: someday. Imagine my surprise when I returned home from a run this afternoon, a mere four days after the Incident to find that the Dark Horse himself had called. When I realized that he had called, I stopped before listening to the voicemail to remind myself that he was probably just calling me about the books we had lent each other (because that is apparently a mistake I will make more than once). His voicemail didn't mention anything about the book. It went something along the lines of, "Hi Violet, I know you told me not to call you until I had figured things out. Well, I've figured things out and I want to talk to you about it, so give me a call back."

Still, I was skeptical. So much so that before I returned his call, I called Scarlet to tell her about the voicemail, and questioned whether or not I really wanted to talk to him. I mean, I wasn't expecting to hear from him for weeks, months even. My appetite was back, so did I really want to get bad news from him now, which would surely bring back the nervous stomach? In the end, I decided to get it over with, so I called.

First, he apologized. There was something about the apology that didn't give me much hope. I don't know why, I just thought to myself, yeah, this won't be good. He started telling me about his calls overseas to the ex this week, and still I thought, this isn't going to be good. Then I heard, "I need to let go and move on."

What? Huh? Did I just hear that correctly? You're going to move on? Like, to me? I still wasn't sure as to what that meant, so I asked. (Because asking questions is a good thing.) He said that what was holding him back before is no longer holding him back. He wasn't sure if this changed anything for me, though. I explained to him that I certainly don't want to be a runner-up to someone who's just geographically undesirable. I don't want someone to be with me just because I'm here, when they would rather be with someone else. He said he understood that, but that when he's with me, he's definitely not wishing he was with someone else.

I'm beginning to think I may not be as good at reading signs as maybe I thought, so I need a little bit of help here. I told him on Sunday that I couldn't "just be casual," and not to call me until he figured it out, figuring it was highly likely I wouldn't ever hear from him again. He obviously spent some serious time thinking things over. He knows that I'm into him, I made that quite clear. And yet, he called. Quickly. That's good, right?

We made plans to see each other later this weekend. I'm cautiously optimistic. Scarlet questioned whether or not this was indeed an imaginary boyfriend situation, and no, it is not. Here's why: It's been two months since I started seeing him, which sounds like awhile, but not in this case. We've only been seeing each other on weekends, and there were weekends where we didn't see each other. We actually counted the times we've seen each other, and they didn't add up to all that much. For that reason, things won't move quickly with him, and I'm prepared for that. On top of that, I met him in a bar. Twice. I don't need to go rushing into anything just yet either.