Sexfoliation

6p.m. Completely exhausted by entire day of date-preparation. Being a woman is worse than being a farmer- there is so much harvesting and crop spraying to be done: legs to be waxed, underarms shaved, eyebrows plucked, feet pumiced, skin exfoliated and moisturized, spots cleansed, roots dyed, eyelashes tinted, nails filed, cellulite massaged, stomach muscles exercised. The whole performance is so highly tuned you only need to neglect it for a few days for the whole thing to go to seed. Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if left to revert to nature-with a full beard and handlebar moustached on each shin, Dennis Healey eyebrows, face a graveyard of dead skin cells, spots erupting, long curly fingernails like Stuwwelpter, blind as bat and stupid runt of species as no contact lenses, flabby body flobbering around. Ugh, ugh. Is it any wonder girls have no confidence?

-Bridget Jones's Diary

This has got to be one of my favorite passages from BJD. It. is. so. true. The sexfoliation process is a brutal one. And why, oh why, do those spots seem to appear just in time for a date? Like clockwork, a spot erupted on my face, just in time for a critical date with Halpert. And I, like Bridget, have often wondered what I would be like if left to nature, most commonly when watching Lost. If I were stuck on an island (pre-time travel when they didn't have runing water), I would be scarier than the smoke monster. (Seriously producers, give Kate a pimple every now and then.) But, as there is 7 hours until said date, I have 7 hours to sexfoliate. Bring it on!