I wouldn't call myself a veteran of the cyber dating world, but I've met up with 6 eligible bachelors in the last four weeks. Bachelor #6 seemed to me to be a complete failure- not only did he not pay for my hot chocolate, it turns out he attended the same Institute of Higher Education that Scarlet and I did, but only for one semester. Why only a semester? "I hated it," was his answer, and in my head I thought, "OK, this clearly won't work out." However, the next morning I received a text message from him (followed shortly after by a text message from Halpert), and even though I didn't respond to the text message, he called me later on in the evening. Clearly I made more of an impression on him than I intended. I'm going to have to turn down the charm...
Anyway, I've met 6, but have been contact by countless others. Some of them have been intriguing, others have been eye-roll inducing and laughable. So without further ado, I introduce the inaugural class of Violet's Hall of Shame.
1. Mr. Troubleicious: The name alone may be worthy of induction, but with Mr. Troubleicious, it just keeps getting better. He sent me an email with the subject line: You're cute. Email message: But you're not THAT cute :P What are 2 things about your personality that make you fun to hang out with? Lots of pretty girls on here, personality counts!
As if he doesn't need to impress me. But wait, there's more. This is taken straight from his profile: YOU: I’m seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3-9 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings. I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion - but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party - or if we’re lucky - both! :)
Only message me if you are SANE, NO PSYCHOTIC WOMEN, I will cultivate you from my social garden so fast its not worth it for you. I know what I want and am a extremly picky person.
I'm confused. Isn't he seeking emotional chaos? Won't psychosis help him achieve that? Congratulations, Mr. Troubleicious, here's a golden douche bag to commemorate your induction.
2. Red Lion: The entertainment factor can only go downhill from there, but Red Lion gives it the old college try. He writes: You intrigue me i think you might be more interesting than you limited profile leads me to believe. for instance ...you are a virgo. So am I. You enjoy travel, and i want to have friends/contacts in many different countries. i also love your hair ....ok thats enough for you to have a first impression of me. lets see if you respond and possibly we could continue this conversation.
You're right. You loving my hair really does give me a solid impression of you. What more do we need? A quick look at Red Lion's profile tells us that he's also in the search for "casual encounters," i.e. sex partners. And that's why he's a first ballot Hall of Shamer!
3. The Very Clearly Old Man: This one comes courtesy of my friend Penelope, who is a bit of a veteran. Tired of hearing from Dirty Old Men, she posted an age requirement on her profile. This is a response she received:
"who are you to tell some one about age? u need to get off this site worrying about age diffrence? if u wanna act like that you will be single young lady! age appropriate? you beeter go get a job and pay some bills before u go telling someone about age"
Snap! She got told!
If nothing else, this online dating endeavour is worth it for sheer entertainment value.
1 comment:
Talk about douchebaggery.
I think Mr. Troubliscious is trying to make a joke in his profile, but combine that with his assholish/somewhat insulting email, and wow, Violet, you should be so honored that he contacted you.
Remember this is online dating, and these guys aren't even paying for it.
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