And so it goes...

It's weird I have not truly cried over MM since September, before he left for his business trip, when I realized the odds were not in my favor. Over the last few weeks I've shed a few tears here and there, but not a sobbing, ugly, blotchy face, sniffling kind of cry. Is that normal? Sometimes I think that maybe I'd feel better if I could just let it out.

I haven't contacted MM in anyway since my last blog entry. At first it was really difficult to fight the urge, but it has gotten easier. The problem is that I don't miss him any less. I feel like I've lost one of my best friends. Something will happen and I'll think that I want to share it with MM and then the reality sets in that I can't. MM and I talked practically everyday for 5 months. We shared mundane details about our days, cheered each other up on bad days, and supported each other. My phone barely rings anymore and when it does I know that it won't be MM. Now that I've begun to recover from the crushing disappointment, what I miss the most is our friendship.

Recently I hung out some friends and the Accidental Date Guy. He is back in town for about a month. I still think he is really cool, but nothing will come of this seeing as he won't be around for long. The Accidental Date Guy is fun and flirty. We have a lot of common interests and similar personalities. It did occur to me that he might provide a nice distraction from MM for the next month, but even when I was thinking this I wanted to talk to MM.

This weekend I saw MM at a party. I knew he was going to be there. Of course I made sure that I looked super hot. He in turn wore a shirt that I helped him pick out. (Probably not on purpose...he is a guy afterall.) When he arrived he walked over to me. We exchanged pleasantries and then other people joined us. After that we shared the same space but we didn't really have the opportunity to talk and catch up on each other's lives. As I drove home after the party, I felt a few tears rolling down my face. I realized at this point that I wasn't crying over our relationship; I was crying over our friendship. Even when we were in the same room, I was missing him.

So here I sit silently crying over the remains of my friendship with MM. Wishing I could talk to him about my day.