"I do think New Year's resolutions can't technically be expected to begin on New Year's Day, don't you? Since, because it's an extension of New Year's Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year's Day isn't a good idea as you can't eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second. " ~ Bridget Jones's Diary
Believe in them or not, resolutions are fun to make. Even when they start on January 2nd and end January 3rd. So, let's hear 'em.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
2010 Resolutions Report Card: Fenella
I'm not all that into resolutions so this could be interesting...
I will...
- Visit Violet
I think I'm off to a flying start! Vi and I were reunited this year for an amazing 10day reunion complete with some McNerdy love, a roadtrip and someone thinking we were lesbians. A++
- Follow 'The Four Man Plan' (sub resolution- read 'The Four Man Plan'. It's on my nightstand).
I have yet to read 'The Four Man Plan' so obviously haven't come close to following it. And am now with the White Horse who probably wouldn't be too happy if I started following it. Before the White Horse I did attempt the whole Mr Right Now thing, with catastrophic results. I don't know who I'm trying to convince here. D
- Embark on some form of exercise, form TBC.
Check! I joined my work softball team. Oh and did I mention I ran a half-marathon this year? A+
- Get up 20 minutes earlier to improve on my current beauty routine of mascara and lipgloss.
Have definitely made an effort with this although this has gone slightly downhill since meeting the White Horse; I sometimes do my make-up in the bathroom in the morning at work. Classy. B-
- Cook (sub resolution- learn how to).
Fail. Fail. Fail. I still don't cook, I still can't be bothered with cooking. Thought I had solved this problem because the White Horse cooks for me except I got a bit of a talking to today about my lack of cooking and his always cooking. Oops. Fail. F
I will not...
- Read too much into the situation with Welsh Willy (or other). Instead will enjoy fun evenings for what they are, rather than hope something more will come of it.
Ah Welsh Willy. How a lot can change in a year. Not really sure on this one as the whole Welsh Willy thing swiftly ended. Um, C?
- Keep telling myself that I'm rubbish at my job and quake inwardly whenever my boss asks me to do something.
Well I got promoted this year so I must be doing something right. A
- Leave my make-up on when I go to bed as results in IES (icky eye syndrome).
Doing much better at this. B+
- Eat toast for dinner (more than twice a week).
Thanks to the White Horse and his cooking skills I'm doing very well at this one. B
- Drunk dial or drunk text. Anyone. Drunk dialing/texting reeks of desperation. Will be cool aloof ice queen instead.
I think I did drunk text Welsh Willy. I think. Let's say C
Final GPA: Haven't got a clue, that's American and I don't know what's a good GPA and what isn't. B+??
I will...
- Visit Violet
I think I'm off to a flying start! Vi and I were reunited this year for an amazing 10day reunion complete with some McNerdy love, a roadtrip and someone thinking we were lesbians. A++
- Follow 'The Four Man Plan' (sub resolution- read 'The Four Man Plan'. It's on my nightstand).
I have yet to read 'The Four Man Plan' so obviously haven't come close to following it. And am now with the White Horse who probably wouldn't be too happy if I started following it. Before the White Horse I did attempt the whole Mr Right Now thing, with catastrophic results. I don't know who I'm trying to convince here. D
- Embark on some form of exercise, form TBC.
Check! I joined my work softball team. Oh and did I mention I ran a half-marathon this year? A+
- Get up 20 minutes earlier to improve on my current beauty routine of mascara and lipgloss.
Have definitely made an effort with this although this has gone slightly downhill since meeting the White Horse; I sometimes do my make-up in the bathroom in the morning at work. Classy. B-
- Cook (sub resolution- learn how to).
Fail. Fail. Fail. I still don't cook, I still can't be bothered with cooking. Thought I had solved this problem because the White Horse cooks for me except I got a bit of a talking to today about my lack of cooking and his always cooking. Oops. Fail. F
I will not...
- Read too much into the situation with Welsh Willy (or other). Instead will enjoy fun evenings for what they are, rather than hope something more will come of it.
Ah Welsh Willy. How a lot can change in a year. Not really sure on this one as the whole Welsh Willy thing swiftly ended. Um, C?
- Keep telling myself that I'm rubbish at my job and quake inwardly whenever my boss asks me to do something.
Well I got promoted this year so I must be doing something right. A
- Leave my make-up on when I go to bed as results in IES (icky eye syndrome).
Doing much better at this. B+
- Eat toast for dinner (more than twice a week).
Thanks to the White Horse and his cooking skills I'm doing very well at this one. B
- Drunk dial or drunk text. Anyone. Drunk dialing/texting reeks of desperation. Will be cool aloof ice queen instead.
I think I did drunk text Welsh Willy. I think. Let's say C
Final GPA: Haven't got a clue, that's American and I don't know what's a good GPA and what isn't. B+??
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
How to Find a Husband: Part IV
This is the fourth in a multi-part series on How to Find a Husband. This is for entertainment purposes only, and is a tongue-in-cheek criticism of smug marrieds as well as desperate attempts to become smug marrieds. The authors, Grayer and Violet, firmly believe that no one NEEDS a husband to make them complete, but if they want one, the best way to find one is to just be yourself.
Step 4: Be his mother.
Not to be all Freudian on you, but if there's one woman a man can love, it's his mother. It doesn't matter if she's the single most vial creature on earth. If you want a mother-in-law you have to channel that vialness.
Please note: If you're trying to marry a man that has murdered his mother (no judgement here, a husband is a husband!), please disregard this how-to guide.
1. The Scent of a Woman
Scents evoke many memories. Hopefully in his case, happy nesting-proposals-procreating-monogamy memories of his family. Find out what kind of perfume his mother wears. You don't have to find an exact replica, just match the scent "family". If she wears floral, find a floral perfume. She prefers citrusy scents, then so do you. She's a hippie? Then you dig patchouli. Whatever that is. Be careful not to choose his grandmother's scent. You have to give off "natural" pheromones of young fertility, not the elderly scent of a woman who wears a wig and still kisses him square on the lips.
2. If she's a high maintenance bitch, you're a high maintenance bitch.
If a man grew up being treated badly by the Woman in his life, he's going to expect to always be treated badly by the Woman in his life forever. This means you'll be wearing the pants in the relationship. You can even pick out his clothes, and demand that he buy you closets full of designer duds for yourself. Think of Charlotte and Trey in Sex and the City. (Charlotte used Bunny MacDougal's manipulative ways to get him down the aisle. Hmmm... that wouldn't have anything to do with his inability to rise to the occasion, would it?)
On the other hand, if his mother is Mother Theresa, you're going to have to roll up your sleeves and do some serious volunteer work. And donate all your money to needy children. Or the hardest thing of all, actually be nice to him. Hey we didn't say finding a husband was easy!
3. If she wears blue eye shadow up to her brows, so do you.
It's weird to think about, but we swear men not only like a woman who acts (i.e. controls him) like his mother but also has similar looks. If his mother is a natural low maintenance beauty, then he has a deep appreciation for fresh faced young ladies. If she spends two hours getting ready just to go to the grocery store, then you best be getting used to primping, priming, and plucking every morning, just to go to the gym. If she always wears heels, get used to not being able to feel your feet. If she has big hair, then break out the teasing comb and volumizing spray. I think you get the idea.
4. Talk the Talk.
Mama or Mum, mothers always know best. If she's southern, work on saying "y'all" and slow... down... when you speak. If she's from New England, make sure you start saying "wicked" and stop pronouncing your R's. If she's British, be sure you'd like a "spot" of tea, and scream "BLOODY HELL!" whenever you're angry. Trust us.
And there you have it. Become his mother, become his wife. It's that simple. Trust us.
Next up: Part V- Eat your way to a ring.
Step 4: Be his mother.
Not to be all Freudian on you, but if there's one woman a man can love, it's his mother. It doesn't matter if she's the single most vial creature on earth. If you want a mother-in-law you have to channel that vialness.
Please note: If you're trying to marry a man that has murdered his mother (no judgement here, a husband is a husband!), please disregard this how-to guide.
1. The Scent of a Woman
Scents evoke many memories. Hopefully in his case, happy nesting-proposals-procreating-monogamy memories of his family. Find out what kind of perfume his mother wears. You don't have to find an exact replica, just match the scent "family". If she wears floral, find a floral perfume. She prefers citrusy scents, then so do you. She's a hippie? Then you dig patchouli. Whatever that is. Be careful not to choose his grandmother's scent. You have to give off "natural" pheromones of young fertility, not the elderly scent of a woman who wears a wig and still kisses him square on the lips.
2. If she's a high maintenance bitch, you're a high maintenance bitch.
If a man grew up being treated badly by the Woman in his life, he's going to expect to always be treated badly by the Woman in his life forever. This means you'll be wearing the pants in the relationship. You can even pick out his clothes, and demand that he buy you closets full of designer duds for yourself. Think of Charlotte and Trey in Sex and the City. (Charlotte used Bunny MacDougal's manipulative ways to get him down the aisle. Hmmm... that wouldn't have anything to do with his inability to rise to the occasion, would it?)
On the other hand, if his mother is Mother Theresa, you're going to have to roll up your sleeves and do some serious volunteer work. And donate all your money to needy children. Or the hardest thing of all, actually be nice to him. Hey we didn't say finding a husband was easy!
3. If she wears blue eye shadow up to her brows, so do you.
It's weird to think about, but we swear men not only like a woman who acts (i.e. controls him) like his mother but also has similar looks. If his mother is a natural low maintenance beauty, then he has a deep appreciation for fresh faced young ladies. If she spends two hours getting ready just to go to the grocery store, then you best be getting used to primping, priming, and plucking every morning, just to go to the gym. If she always wears heels, get used to not being able to feel your feet. If she has big hair, then break out the teasing comb and volumizing spray. I think you get the idea.
4. Talk the Talk.
Mama or Mum, mothers always know best. If she's southern, work on saying "y'all" and slow... down... when you speak. If she's from New England, make sure you start saying "wicked" and stop pronouncing your R's. If she's British, be sure you'd like a "spot" of tea, and scream "BLOODY HELL!" whenever you're angry. Trust us.
And there you have it. Become his mother, become his wife. It's that simple. Trust us.
Next up: Part V- Eat your way to a ring.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry, Happy
Merry Christmas friends!!
We hope that these past couple days have been filled with gawdiness (can you say, light-up inflatable lawn ornaments?), gluttony (I'm on my second food coma of the day), and glee. Violet and I are currently watching our parents play Wii. Yes, that's right, for the first time ever, the Bickerstaffs own a gaming system and it's not for us kids, its for our parents. Our day has been spent being ridiculously competitive at virtual Resorts Sports with the parentals still figuring out how to hold the controllers, and still marveling at how similar they look to their Mii.
Since we've been home, I've taken some time to go through the Christmas newsletters they've collected this year. Why people feel the need to write these from their pets perspective is a mystery. Why people feel the need to strictly write about their pets is just downright baffling. But it's not the animals that are bothersome, it's all the babies.
Mona and her husband had a baby boy on Thanksgiving day. Mary Jane is expecting her second in January. Maurice proposed to his college girlfriend this fall, the wedding is planned for this summer. Our family is growing fast, it's hard to believe! What are your girls up to? It doesn't seem like those girl scout days could have possibly been so long ago!
So this made me curious. What are we up to? Not in real life, of course, but in the annual family newsletter life. So I did a little digging on the family dinosaur computer and found our letter. It's complete with a family photo from Disneyworld (I swear the day I showed my mom how to add a picture into a word document was one of her best days ever). The fact that our parents are using a picture of them and their late-twenty-something daughters at Disneyworld should tell you something: In the world of Christmas newsletters, Violet and I don't have much going on.
We hope that these past couple days have been filled with gawdiness (can you say, light-up inflatable lawn ornaments?), gluttony (I'm on my second food coma of the day), and glee. Violet and I are currently watching our parents play Wii. Yes, that's right, for the first time ever, the Bickerstaffs own a gaming system and it's not for us kids, its for our parents. Our day has been spent being ridiculously competitive at virtual Resorts Sports with the parentals still figuring out how to hold the controllers, and still marveling at how similar they look to their Mii.
Since we've been home, I've taken some time to go through the Christmas newsletters they've collected this year. Why people feel the need to write these from their pets perspective is a mystery. Why people feel the need to strictly write about their pets is just downright baffling. But it's not the animals that are bothersome, it's all the babies.
Mona and her husband had a baby boy on Thanksgiving day. Mary Jane is expecting her second in January. Maurice proposed to his college girlfriend this fall, the wedding is planned for this summer. Our family is growing fast, it's hard to believe! What are your girls up to? It doesn't seem like those girl scout days could have possibly been so long ago!
So this made me curious. What are we up to? Not in real life, of course, but in the annual family newsletter life. So I did a little digging on the family dinosaur computer and found our letter. It's complete with a family photo from Disneyworld (I swear the day I showed my mom how to add a picture into a word document was one of her best days ever). The fact that our parents are using a picture of them and their late-twenty-something daughters at Disneyworld should tell you something: In the world of Christmas newsletters, Violet and I don't have much going on.
Violet is still in Atlanta and at the same job. She's applying for grad schools for next fall, yada boring yada. Grayer is now in Boston. She works in a lab with various bacteria and a DNA machine. Both will be home for Christmas.
And that was it. Not only did it tell us that all that matters (in the newsletter world) is what we do, but it also tells us that my parents don't know what I do (what the hell is a DNA machine??). Clearly our parents did not do as well at marrying off their daughters as their friends did. But it's Christmas, and that means all that money they should be spending on son-in-laws and grandbabies, they're just spending on us. Works for me.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
2010 Resolutions Report Card: Grayer
As resolutions go, I couldn't get much worse than I did last year. Here's my end of year report.
I will...
-Get a Job. A real grownup full-time job that will allow me to pay bills and maybe even splurge on..cable. Check! I've been working since March. I have health insurance. I pay income tax. I am officially an adult, though, oddly enough, I still don't have cable. A+
-Move somewhere Awesome to be at said job. I'm really looking forward to moving someplace new. Preferably someplace with cute boys. I moved to Boston. It's pretty sweet. So are the boys. A
- Meet people. Once in new place, I want to majorly meet people. To do this I vow to join Meetup groups and possibly even online date. I will be more social then ever before. I did meet people. I even dated online. Turns out the single friends I made turned out to be stupid smug singletons and the guy I met online turned out to be fuckwit. But I made/am making an effort so hooray for me. A for effort. D for quality work.
-Get more action. Same with Vi, this is our time, our time to LIVE. If I can remember the number of boys I make out with this year, I'll consider it a failure. So if I think about it enough I can remember the number of boys I've made out with, but all in all, it wasn't a bad year. On the very down side, I let condoms expire. Who does that?!? C, I can only be disappointed in myself.
-Lose some weight. I realize this is a resolution cliche but grad school was not kind to me. I'm going to need to shed a few. I did lose a couple pounds. Unfortunately I didn't do so until the last part of the year, but I did it. B-
I will not...
-Have an imaginary/fictitious/mythical/pseudo relationship of any kind. I mean it this time. I'm very proud to say that once I ended my relationship with Conrad (the move helped), I haven't had any sorts of mythical relationships since. Boo yeah. B+ because it took me too long to just be friends with Conrad.
-Worry about guy/relationship but rather "go with the flow." If it's meant to be, it will be, no sense in worrying about it. I'd say I was awesome at this this year. I was way more laid back about guys, and was much better at going with the flow, even when the flow didn't go my way. A++
Cumulative GPA: 3.2 Winner of Most Improved.
I will...
-Get a Job. A real grownup full-time job that will allow me to pay bills and maybe even splurge on..cable. Check! I've been working since March. I have health insurance. I pay income tax. I am officially an adult, though, oddly enough, I still don't have cable. A+
-Move somewhere Awesome to be at said job. I'm really looking forward to moving someplace new. Preferably someplace with cute boys. I moved to Boston. It's pretty sweet. So are the boys. A
- Meet people. Once in new place, I want to majorly meet people. To do this I vow to join Meetup groups and possibly even online date. I will be more social then ever before. I did meet people. I even dated online. Turns out the single friends I made turned out to be stupid smug singletons and the guy I met online turned out to be fuckwit. But I made/am making an effort so hooray for me. A for effort. D for quality work.
-Get more action. Same with Vi, this is our time, our time to LIVE. If I can remember the number of boys I make out with this year, I'll consider it a failure. So if I think about it enough I can remember the number of boys I've made out with, but all in all, it wasn't a bad year. On the very down side, I let condoms expire. Who does that?!? C, I can only be disappointed in myself.
-Lose some weight. I realize this is a resolution cliche but grad school was not kind to me. I'm going to need to shed a few. I did lose a couple pounds. Unfortunately I didn't do so until the last part of the year, but I did it. B-
I will not...
-Have an imaginary/fictitious/mythical/pseudo relationship of any kind. I mean it this time. I'm very proud to say that once I ended my relationship with Conrad (the move helped), I haven't had any sorts of mythical relationships since. Boo yeah. B+ because it took me too long to just be friends with Conrad.
-Worry about guy/relationship but rather "go with the flow." If it's meant to be, it will be, no sense in worrying about it. I'd say I was awesome at this this year. I was way more laid back about guys, and was much better at going with the flow, even when the flow didn't go my way. A++
Cumulative GPA: 3.2 Winner of Most Improved.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
2010 Resolutions Report Card: Violet
It's time to look back at the resolutions we made and check up on the year's progress. I made really great progress in 2009, so I didn't make that many resolutions for 2010.
I will...
-Get more action. 2009 was a good action year for me, but it only let me wanting more. I'm still in my twenties. The time to have fun is NOW.
Thanks to the cute neighbor, this resolution was no problem. We have proven that you can have quantity AND quality. boo. yah. A++
-Continue to work on employment, so that I may actually have a disposable income.
Hmmm.... Well, I did have a second part-time job for the first half of the year. After that, my attempts to find an actual full-time job went nowhere, and I am basically right back where I started. Effort: A; Economy: D+; Average: C
I will not...
-Worry about the relationship. Instead of worrying about getting over the "three-month hump" or finding Mr. Right, I'm going to focus on Mr. Right Now. I hear that's more fun anyway.
In my attempt to find Mr. Right Now, I found a perfectly viable option for Mr. Right was right in front of me. I didn't worry about the three-month hump, and we've cleared that and then some, and have had some serious fun in the meantime. A
-Crochet anything for a man. Ever. And you all scoffed at my "silly little curse." Ha.
Haven't even picked up a crochet hook, for any purpose all year. The Hat of Doom was the last thing I made. The cute neighbor will not be getting any hats, scarves, or sweaters with his first initial crocheted into it from me any time soon. Or at all. A+
Final GPA: 3.8. Stupid economy.
I will...
-Get more action. 2009 was a good action year for me, but it only let me wanting more. I'm still in my twenties. The time to have fun is NOW.
Thanks to the cute neighbor, this resolution was no problem. We have proven that you can have quantity AND quality. boo. yah. A++
-Continue to work on employment, so that I may actually have a disposable income.
Hmmm.... Well, I did have a second part-time job for the first half of the year. After that, my attempts to find an actual full-time job went nowhere, and I am basically right back where I started. Effort: A; Economy: D+; Average: C
I will not...
-Worry about the relationship. Instead of worrying about getting over the "three-month hump" or finding Mr. Right, I'm going to focus on Mr. Right Now. I hear that's more fun anyway.
In my attempt to find Mr. Right Now, I found a perfectly viable option for Mr. Right was right in front of me. I didn't worry about the three-month hump, and we've cleared that and then some, and have had some serious fun in the meantime. A
-Crochet anything for a man. Ever. And you all scoffed at my "silly little curse." Ha.
Haven't even picked up a crochet hook, for any purpose all year. The Hat of Doom was the last thing I made. The cute neighbor will not be getting any hats, scarves, or sweaters with his first initial crocheted into it from me any time soon. Or at all. A+
Final GPA: 3.8. Stupid economy.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Holiday Greetings! from the WWBD? family!
Dear Friends and Family,
Wow! Is it that time of year already? It seems like only yesterday we were writing last year's Christmas Newsletter, but 2010 sure has flown by! What a year it's been for the busy WWBD? family! The ladies have all stepped up their husband hunting now that Prince William is officially off the market!
The year got off to a great start with Grayer moving to Boston for her first, real, grown-up job! She lives in the city with me (Mr. Kitty Meowington) and a few lovely roommates. Over the summer, she went on a fabulous vacation to Costa Rica with her favorite sister, Violet. They had such a wonderful trip! They went zip-lining, relaxed on the beach, and saw volcanoes, and lizards, and monkeys, oh my! There were times when her love life got a little messy, but it was never anything Grayer couldn't handle on her own!
Fenella is living in London, and what a year she's had! Of course the highlight to her year was traveling back to the United States to see her bestest friend in the whole wide world, and her Person, Violet. They had such a wonderful 10 days together! They laughed, they salsa danced, they rode roller coasters, they even pushed each other into bathrooms. Fenella even got to know some of Violet's friends really, really well. Fen is also preparing to be a bridesmaid next year, but her We were all pleased as punch a few months later when our little Fen-Fen announced that she's found herself a Significant Other!
Violet is still living in Atlanta. Despite her spectacular talents and qualifications, she is still incredibly underemployed, so she decided to give nannying a try to make some extra cash. It did not end well. Violet's professional life may be non-existant, but she has managed to get herself a love life this year! It got off to a weird start for sure, but things started to change when her very cute neighbor became more than just a neighbor.
As for me, Mr. Kitty Meowington, I've had a very busy year of waking Grayer up at 4am and chasing my tail. I really think 2011 is the year I'll finally catch it!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Love,
Grayer, Fenella, and Violet
(and Mr. Kitty Meowington)
Wow! Is it that time of year already? It seems like only yesterday we were writing last year's Christmas Newsletter, but 2010 sure has flown by! What a year it's been for the busy WWBD? family! The ladies have all stepped up their husband hunting now that Prince William is officially off the market!
The year got off to a great start with Grayer moving to Boston for her first, real, grown-up job! She lives in the city with me (Mr. Kitty Meowington) and a few lovely roommates. Over the summer, she went on a fabulous vacation to Costa Rica with her favorite sister, Violet. They had such a wonderful trip! They went zip-lining, relaxed on the beach, and saw volcanoes, and lizards, and monkeys, oh my! There were times when her love life got a little messy, but it was never anything Grayer couldn't handle on her own!
Fenella is living in London, and what a year she's had! Of course the highlight to her year was traveling back to the United States to see her bestest friend in the whole wide world, and her Person, Violet. They had such a wonderful 10 days together! They laughed, they salsa danced, they rode roller coasters, they even pushed each other into bathrooms. Fenella even got to know some of Violet's friends really, really well. Fen is also preparing to be a bridesmaid next year, but her We were all pleased as punch a few months later when our little Fen-Fen announced that she's found herself a Significant Other!
Violet is still living in Atlanta. Despite her spectacular talents and qualifications, she is still incredibly underemployed, so she decided to give nannying a try to make some extra cash. It did not end well. Violet's professional life may be non-existant, but she has managed to get herself a love life this year! It got off to a weird start for sure, but things started to change when her very cute neighbor became more than just a neighbor.
As for me, Mr. Kitty Meowington, I've had a very busy year of waking Grayer up at 4am and chasing my tail. I really think 2011 is the year I'll finally catch it!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Love,
Grayer, Fenella, and Violet
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